Friends Drift Away in Your 60s. Is That Lonely? Six Things I Noticed.

In my 60s, I had fewer friends. To be exact, they did not disappear. We just stopped meeting. Stopped calling. Drifted apart.

Is that a lonely thing? The younger me would have said yes, for sure. But now, my answer is a little different.

Some of them drifted away, and part of me felt lighter. I had more time when I did not have to watch my words. And in the end, only the people I actually fit with stayed.

The six things below are what I noticed about friendship over the years. If you typed “losing friends as you get older” into a search box, this is my honest answer as a man in my 60s.

1. After retirement, do men lose all their friends?

When you retire, the human relationships at work vanish in an instant. In Japan, coworkers often drink together after work. The drinking parties and the small talk are all gone. A lot of men worry: will I have no friends left?

My answer is this: you come to fit with people because you keep meeting them. Fit or no fit is not a result. It is decided along the way, while you keep meeting. So what your life looks like after retirement depends on what you build yourself.

2. A place where you do not have to watch what you say or do — that is your real place

There is something more important than having many friends or few friends. It is whether you have a place where you do not have to watch what you say or do.

You can have ten friends. If you have to watch your words with all ten, you just get tired. One person is enough, if you do not have to watch what you say or do with that person. It took me until my 60s to see it that way.

3. Almost nobody truly fits you

Sixty-some years of living taught me one thing. There are almost no people who truly fit you.

When I was young, my ideal was to get along with everyone. Now I think there is no need to force myself to match people. Two or three people I see once in a while — that is enough to get by.

4. I hate the phone too — watching young people and their phone anxiety

Young people today talk about phone anxiety. Afraid to answer. Nervous when it rings.

Honestly, I hate the phone too. If I can use email, I use email. If I can use a text message, I use a text message. If it can be done in writing, I want it in writing. Sometimes a man in his 60s and young people feel the same way.

5. Does a personality reading really work? I tried one, half as a joke

Do personality readings actually hit the mark? I went to one, half joking, not expecting much.

The result hit closer than I expected. Not good at deep relationships. Careful with people. Keeps a distance. The words of the reading named my own habits with people.

6. The suit shop clerk who read us in one glance

I went with my son to buy a suit for his coming-of-age ceremony — in Japan, there is a formal ceremony for young people who turn twenty. The clerk read us in a single glance. Body type, taste, budget, even the relationship between father and son.

The sharpness of that professional eye surprised me. Some people have that eye for human relationships too. They see a person in a second. I do not have that eye. So I take my time with people, and I stay careful.

Friends drifting away is not only a bad thing

So, is it lonely when friends drift away in your 60s? Yes, part of it is lonely. But there is another part, just as big, that got easier.

Fewer people to watch my words around. No more forcing myself to meet people I do not fit with. Only the people I really want to see remain.

If drifting apart feels lonely to you, that feeling is not wrong. But there is also a way to see it as something lighter. In my 60s, that is the way I chose.

I will keep writing here. Every time something in me says, wait a minute — I will put it into words, carefully, one piece at a time.